Failure, Fire, and Embracing the Outsider Within: Why not fitting in can fuel your biggest breakthroughs

Running on empty but not tapped out. Lately, life has read like a laundry list of chaos, and not the interesting kind. But there is one thing that keeps me going, one ember that refuses to go out: a promise I made to myself at 12 years old.

I will change the world.

Being raised in the counterculture and the child of two immigrant parents gave me grit and conviction. Add growing up in the punk scene, and you get the picture, never fitting in wasn’t a flaw, it was a badge of honor. I’ve always been a square peg in a round hole, and honestly, I don’t think I ever really wanted to fit. I turn 49 next weekend. And despite the wreckage, the burnout, and the heartbreak, I still believe what my 12-year-old self knew.

I can, and I will.

It’s often said that Gen X is feral, scrappy, and doesn’t give a fuck. That we’re the latchkey kids who raised ourselves and just kept pushing forward. I’m here to tell you every word of that is true.

I have been a music photographer, technically a failed one. But what does failure really mean? I have a pretty impressive portfolio, much of which has never seen the light of day. Maybe it wasn't a failure at all; maybe it was just part of a bigger story I hadn’t yet figured out.

I have been a graphic designer. I loved the craft, but something inside me needed more. I didn’t just want to make “pretty things”; I wanted to understand why they mattered.

Somewhere along this messy journey, I realized that the medium actually isn’t the message. I am the medium. My biggest gift isn’t photography or design, it’s being a dot connector and idea generator. I see patterns, potential, and possibilities where most just hear noise. I spark ideas and pull people together like gravity, no apologies, just making it happen. At its core, it’s storytelling and connection, the spark that weaves everything together.

I’ve been intentional about surrounding myself with others who do the same. People who challenge me, inspire me, and remind me what’s possible. I’ve learned that creativity doesn’t thrive in isolation. It takes community. It takes being around people who challenge you to bring your best every damn time.

So here I am standing in the crooked, chaotic forest of this creative life still guided by that voice I have carried since I was 12.

I can. I will.

This post isn’t a grand declaration of success. It’s just a breadcrumb on the trail. A reminder that even when things don’t look how you thought they would, even when you feel like you have failed, it is never too late to begin again.

I believe that. Fully.

And if you have made it this far, maybe some part of you does too.

If this resonated, I’m glad you’re here. There’s no big ask, just a quiet invitation: Keep going. Keep creating. Keep showing up as you are.

And if you ever want to share your story, I’m listening. And for the ones who never fit — I see you.